Friday, May 16, 2014

Man Vs. Wild Parody Fan Fiction Book 2

Rocky Mountains

Day One:
I scanned around the planes... Apparently it was large enough. I pulled on the parachute bag and moved towards the planes doors. I forcefully pulled them open... It was another one of those days I guess. I peered down into the deep abyss of air... I have to plan this jump perfect or... Well... Less just hope it doesn't come to that.... I crossed my arms and fell out.

I plummeted towards the ground at a high velocity... I was tempted to immediately pull the cord but that would be disastrous. I waited till I came to about a few hundred feet before I pulled it. I looked around... Just as I suspected I was a pure noob. I plowed straight into a large tree. I was stuck at the very top. Some way or another I need to get down. I then realized that I had all the stuff I needed on me now. I pulled out the pocket knife and sliced a large piece of the cord and made myself a ticket down... I quickly repelled to the ground kicking then gripping, kicking then gripping. On the ground I quickly reclaimed the rope by ripping it out of the tree. Weird as it was it was still able to hold my weight... I coiled it up and shoved it into my bag. I then pulled the new notebook out for this mission... I went I've the main goals... Get your bearings, camp the night in the Rockies, Get to the river, locate animals of interest, and locate rare plants... Well the last two are not as important... But what was for certain I had a long day ahead of me. I had to find a place to get my bearings... What better place then atop of a giant mountain... Not until I first climb up a sheer wall of rocks then walk around a long rather big log, followed by yet another large nearly impossible climb up a sheer cliff... I yawned... I wish I had cheat codes...

I made my way to the long log that spanned the length of a small creek... It was nearly nine feet deep... Not a good idea to climb under it no way up. I had to walk it. I held my arms out like an eagle and then slowly walked along the thin log. I wiped the sweat off my forehead. God I hate myself. I was halfway across web I made a false move... I quickly attempted to regain my balance and successfully did so. I continued on to the other side.


Once off the log I found the hill evened off. I soon came to a small stream... I pulled out the large canteen and emptied it contents into my mouth... Then I refilled it and moved on. As I headed towards the next stop I was thrown to a halt... Up on the mountain was a giant... Ram!! It sounded more or less like a giant dinosaur roaring. I guess this counted as animal of interest. I spotted the next obstacle... A small ledge that led to the next climbing wall... The bad news... Well... It was a drop off on both sides! So I was screwed if I messed up. Nervously I attempted the feat. I couldn't help but look down... Below the drop ended into a deep pond... Not where I wanted to be. I made it halfway to the other side when the ledge broke apart... I quickly steadied myself not wanting to think about what would happen if I died in this game... One thing was for sure if the game recording software was still on this would make hell of a recording.

I made it to the other side panting for water... This time I conserved my water by only drinking enough to refuel my energy. I then approached the next obstacle... Obviously it was like in the training course... A giant mount side that had places to climb up... I began by pulling myself up the first rock... Then found a giant wall with plants growing along its sides... I also found it had just the right amount of places to grip onto. I placed my hand in between a crack that had formed from excessive weathering... Then pulled myself up to the next crack all while placing my foot into the lower crack... I then carefully reached up for the next crack only found my footing was messed up... A rock had dislodged itself causing me to slip and nearly fall... I swung my chest hard into the wall and dug my hand into the crack and found my grip once more... Fuck that was close I thought.... I continued up until I was over the top of the wall... I found that next I have to walk along another skinny ledge... I leaned my chest against the wall and slowly step by step inched to the other side. Luckily this time I didn’t have any accidents. I had two more walls to climb till I came to the top...

I took a small break next to a small pile of odd plants... It was weird but it seemed that they were unknown to me... I pulled out my notebook and skimmed the pages for the plants information but none came up... Well it seemed easier than I thought to find rare items. I yanked one of the plants up out of the ground and into my bag... Then carried on.

The second climbing wall seemed to have an odd angle... I found that it was hard on the body... And personally I'm no bear Ghrylls. Eventually the top of the mountain had appeared... I got up onto the top and immediately collapsed in exhaustion. I pulled out the canteen and gulped down the last of my water... It would be the last for a while. I need to find a good place to stare out into the location... Like a vista... I looked around and then realized there was a snake guarding a rock that seemed I lean out over the edge of the cliff top. I could use the meat... I approached the giant snake and found it was a large... Poisonous snake... That's about all I knew I would have to look it up later... I found a stick lying on the ground and quickly jabbed at the snake... Then I pinned the snake down and twisted its neck. Then I pulled out the snakes guts and found as little meat as I could and stored it in my bag. Then I approached the vista... My heart sank deep into my chest... The view was magnificent... Take the most beautiful thing you've seen then double it... Due to the sun sinking low giving the area an orangish and red glow and the large lake and various mountains placed around it brought out the feeling of pleasure and well... Happiness. I scanned around the whole placed seemed to go on for miles and the place was surrounded by large mountains. I wish I could have stayed longer but I need to move on... It was getting dark...

I took a seat on a large tree stump. I pulled out my notebook and scanned the pages... The next task said to camp the night in the Rockies... But that seemed to be a problem... There were no supplies here to build it... I need to get down the mountain and scuff down to the ground. I walked around the edge of the mountain till I located a large slope... Too steep to walk down so I will have to slide down... Easy enough I thought.

I began by slowly walking... Then I began to slide... I lost my balance and quickly fell to my back... Luckily the hill wasn't too big... I got up and brushed the mud off my pants... Then I moved on... I realized that this was a test... Following this was two choices of routes... Either a giant hill with large rocks scoured around that seemed to be sharp enough to kill me... Then the second choice was another large hill still with rocks but led to the area I had found the large water source... I sure could use the water... I decided to go with the water route...

I slide down the incline carefully dodging the rocks and then rolling at the end... I approached the large creek and refilled my canteen and then emptying it then refilling it. Then I sat down and looked over the notebook... It seemed that before I could go camp out I have to first get to an area... I had to construct a sling and rope... Meaning I need a bird beak. And some parachute cable... I scanned the bag for some rope and found it... Now to find a beak.... I spent approximately ten minutes on the search but no luck... It seemed more likely to use a rock than a beak so that's what I did.

I climbed up into the large tree and began to aim the swinging projectile at the branch on the opposite side. No easy way... After five attempts I finally snagged it onto the tree branch... Now to repel. I found a small tool hidden in a pouch of my bag that had a rotating wheel and a handle. At least I wasn't using my shirt this time.

At the bottom I began the final trek to the area that I am to camp at... Along the way I collected water and some sticks... When I made it to the area I noticed three things. One was the weather was dropping fast, there was a bees nest on the far edge and the place was littered with vines. It was going to get cold real fast. I approached a spot that appeared good enough for a fire pit. I pulled out the notebook and skimmed for a type of pit that is build able with these available materials.

It turned out the best choice would be a tri-fold pit... I found sticks and made a triangle teepee then placed the timber under the wood... Then I got to work on igniting it... I then stuck the flint and the knife till I caught a spark... Then I carefully blew on it till it ignited. Warmth Thank God!!!" I sat down next to it and started to doze off... That was until I was hungry... My stomach growled... I need food. I pulled out the snake meat and cooked the meat... So good!!! I got up and quickly got to work building a shelter... Making a trip to and from the fire to prevent myself from freezing. After I located the last few items I found the rest... Well... Near the bee hive!
I made a dash and swiped the branch and quickly made it to the fire... I had only a few stings... Nothing that is fatal. I finished up the shelter and decided to call it a day...


Day Two:
I suddenly woke up as if it was morning... The sky was dark but I could hear something moving around outside... I peered around and then I knew I was in for a run... Ever heard of the phrase if you see a bear run for your life... Well that's what I did... I rolled out of the shelter and quickly picked up the pass running towards the hidden trail that was begin the bee hive... I turned to see the bear gaining on me... I kept going not knowing where the next spot is... I came to a stop to take a break when I found that I was clearly in a bad predicament... The trail ended with a large drop of with large rocks as being the only way across... I made my choice... I leaped into the first rock careful not to fall. Then I jumped to the next rock.

The last rock was a large running jump. I was crazy to attempt but I landed with great accuracy. I looked up ahead... There was a small path.... But it went into a ditch... The only way across was by crossing over a log... I approach stud lot and sure enough the large bear had crossed the gorge... He was clearly tempted and wanted me dead... I began to cross... On the other side... I could hear running water off in the distance! I charged towards it...

Upon closer examination I had a few miles to go... On top of the hill a large puma was searching for food... Note to self don't play this game again... I approached the puma and it charged at me... I freaked out and drew my knife... The puma swatted at me with its claws... I dodge right; dodge left and then made my attack... I pounced onto the large cat... I rode it for a few seconds before I let it off... It darted out of the way and into the forest. Not what I had in mind...

I kept up the pace and once again ran smack into that big bear... "Really come on you stupid bear give me a stinking chance!" I kind of yelled that into the open... I slid into the hill and jumped for my life... I plummeted into the river... It would have been fine of the river was low current but instead it was a struggle to keep afloat. I spotted a small strip of land and took my chance... I struggle towards the strip then kicking the ground until I could touch... I was going to die!! I made one final attempt and hit the ground...

I crawled up onto the land and found that I was beginning to freeze... I needed a fire.  I located a place to dry out and began to gather the sticks and the logs to build a new type of fire pit... A mud oven. It was big and capable of cooking the food for me. I place the wood and the logs into a pit then I light it up...  Then I pulled out the notebook and dried it off. I looked around the large island... There was a small pond with two catfish... Food!!! I began to find some tools to catch it but all I had was my hands... The pond was small enough and I defiantly was hungry I will catch it by hand.

I dove in and wrapped my hand around the giant catfish. It wriggled in my hand and I finished it off with a stab in the head. Now I have to cook it... I carry the fish over to the oven and placed it inside... I must have kept it inside for too long because when it came out it was charred... I choked it down. I sat for a while bored... I then decided to check the notebook for my next task... It showed that I have to raft down the river... But I have no raft. Of course.

I messed around with the junk and I found that there was something lodged in the fridge... I pried it open and found a shaggy raft that was more or less a dingy. I had to move... I placed the raft into the water and climbed in... Then I pushed off...

The river carried me at a fast speed all I had to do was to kick in the opposite direction I needed to go... The river dropped down at most three to five large waterfalls... Each time getting bigger... I came to the last drop and the raft broke and I was thrown into the water... I kicked to the surface and managed to get to the surface... I clamped onto a large log... Above the sound I a helicopter was evident. I was saved!!! I crawled along the log towards the helicopter and with one jump climbed aboard...


I looked at my body... Completely covered in mud and dirt... I was soaked and tired... But my mission was far from over... Next stop the Everglades!!

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